


subconscious

by Nobodystentacle



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Blood, Crying, Cum and other dirty jokes, Non-con touching, Other, Pica, Self Harm, Swearing, mentions of all the other sides, might have to add more tags later, no sex yet. i might change that later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nobodystentacle/pseuds/Nobodystentacle
Summary: remus bothers logan and patton. a mistake happens and remus gets sent to the subconscious
Comments: 22
Kudos: 34





	1. don't

**Author's Note:**

> will add tags as needed. please tell me if you think something should be tagged. 
> 
> i was going to write the whole fic first then start posting but figured remus' birthday would be the perfect occasion
> 
> happy birthday trash man

"FUCKERY"

"Remus please just, don't."

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose as Remus kept popping up around Logan's room, screeching profanity and throwing pens.  
Remus popped his head out of the wall vent wailing "Bedspawler."

Logan was tired of this 'game' as Remus called it, saying "That's not your usual flavor."  
Remus slid out from between Logan's legs. Remus raised an eyebrow, stating "Your dew-beater of a room wanks with me." he pulls a blow pen out from under him, showering Logan's crotch in red ink, giggling as he slid smoothly back from whence he came.  
Logan had a whole three seconds of peace before hearing "COCKBITE", as Remus had risen up from behind the TV, his favorite spot, before shaking like a dog. "Remus, what is this gunky fluid?" as Logan sniffed his arm and discerned it to be alfredo sauce. "The cum of the innocent, with a dash of Sacajawea ashes".

Meanwhile; Patton was trying his best to ignore Remus, who kept sliding in from the ceiling and landing on Patton. Patton's Alfredo fettuccine shot out of his hand, and all over the room, Remus wiggled his eye brows as he said " hawt tamales! you got your gooey white stuff all over me" before flopping off Patton, sliding threw the floor. Remus took short detours between the two rooms to his own to pick up pens and other props.  
Logan had at least a hundred pens by now and tried to ignore Remus, as he worked on how Thomas' knowledge of how much blood the human body contained could be at all relevant to watching Frozen for, what must be, the twentieth time. Logan had guessed Remus' 'enthusiasm' was starting to affect Thomas.  
Remus popped up this time covered in blood and launched himself onto Logan "Did you know, you can freeze to death in minutes"  
Logan was pinned to the floor with Remus looming on top of him. Remus slid his leg up Logan's inner thigh and grinned. as Logan started to realize Remus had no intent to stop there Remus went to bite Logan's shoulder, as he did, Logan punched him in the stomach, having finally snapped at Remus' hours of interruptions. Remus shrieked in glee and decided to flee Logan's room, but Logan caught his leg as he did and was taken, with Remus, out of his room and through the ceiling of Patton's. falling onto Patton, who had gotten Roman to help him by creating a foam pit in the middle of the floor. The foam pit had spots of blood streaking along the sides and Patton, bruised and crying as he was, was crushed under Logan and Remus. Roman had stayed in Patton's room to try to corral his brother into stopping, or at least chasing Roman into the imagination where he wouldn't be hurting the others. Roman was far better practiced in negotiating, and dealing, with Remus in his worse moments. Remus was up faster than Logan or Patton, he 'poofed' the blood he was covered in away, and then spotted his brother who had a net.  
"Shitsticks" Remus yelled, scrambling out of the foam pit and trying to run up the stairs but Roman was already there, throwing the net. Remus conjured his morning star, throwing it towards the incoming net, sending it flying the other way. Logan, getting out of the foam pit, headed toward the brothers. Patton noticed that Remus was occupied, and floundered out of the foam. Remus was screeching, trying to out maneuver his brother.  
"Remus!” Roman bellowing whilst he struggled with his brother “You need to leave Patton alone!"  
"NEVER, YOU CUCK" Remus continued shrieking  
Remus skittered, trying to get enough distance from Roman to sink out, so he could continue torturing the two other sides once Roman was not with them.  
Inspired by Janus, Roman began summoning a shepherds hook, while Remus had already summoned a short sword and started jabbing wildly.

Patton had struggled out of the pit during the commotion and clung to Logan, who had an idea to subdue Remus, at least for a few hours so Thomas could settle down, and at least be better equipped to sort threw Remus' 'inclusions'. Logan informed Patton of his plan. Patton nodded at Logan, together they ran at Remus, both using powers that can control the other sides.  
Something that every one of them, even Remus, found distasteful. Logan began forcing order onto Remus' chaos, while Patton tried to force calm and happy thoughts onto Remus, who tried to dodge both his brother and the other two sides. Remus got tackled by Logan and Patton. Remus decided to cut his losses, transporting all three of them into his room and away from Roman. The clashing of all three of their powers caused Remus to disappear from Logan and Patton's grasp.  
Logan and Patton just stared, stunned from what just happened, while Roman's expression immediately soured. He knew that nothing good could have happened.


	2. alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> self harm heavy chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took to long. i make no garentee itll get any faster tho

Remus woke up with a massive headache. He looked around and realized he wasn't in his room and nobody else was around. He had landed on a dry looking dirt patch with a few stones poking up out of the soil. "Ooooo, just like my bed of nails" he mused into the quiet space. Afterword realizing that theirs no point if no one is around to be bothered by him. He could taste something flowery on his tongue, almost like something had been forced in his mouth. He got up and wiped some of the blood from his face that was oozing down from a gash at his hair line.  
"Tasty"  
Remus licked his fingers and savored the salty metallic taste. Remus snapped to make the gash disappear. He didn't want to deal with the blood in his eye at the moment. Nothing happened. Remus cocked his head confused.  
Why didn't it disappear?  
Where was he?  
What had happened?  
The last thing he remembered his torture subjects were hugging him? He liked to dictate any physical contact from them and wretched at the thought of a forced hug. He felt light headed, Maybe he was bleeding more than he had thought. He didn't want to start spiraling further than he already was earlier in the day. Remus focused on his room, and tried to sink out of wherever he was, putting all his focus on the feeling of his olive green shag carpet and the smell of rotting onions, again nothing happened. No sinking out, no change in lighting, he was stuck and alone. He tried a few more times to no avail, after he got up and took off his sash to stop the bleeding the old fashion way.  
Grumbling to himself, he pressed at his wound and looked around. There was dirt under him but he was in a small clearing, in what looked to be a forest.  
"Shit" was muttered into the void.  
It was silent, besides him, and the longer he stood there the more uneasy he felt.  
"Fuck, shit, tits, dick, bastard, cunt“ Remus started walking around as he cussed and tried to fill the silence with something, anything, he was running out of steam and his heart started beating, just not in the way he'd usually like it to be beating, being chased by Roman, or had have ripped it out to show someone for his own amusement. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK" Remus got louder, more desperate. His voice growing hoarse, he continued to pace back and forth.  
"WHERE IS EVERYONE?!"  
“WHY?!”  
Remus was cracking, he was used to feeling alone. He was used to screaming until someone heard him. Even if Logan remained stone faced he still got what he wanted. Attention. There was no stoic Logan, or upset Patton, or angry Roman, or high-strung Virgil. Not even Janus to talk to. Remus was completely alone. Remus started muttering more then yelling and began picking at his forearm, then scratching, after a little while he looked down to smeared blood and torn skin. He began laughing dryly and started clawing at one of the rocks he had landed on, his fingers growing bloody as he finally pried the rock from the hard dirt, immediately smacking the rock into another he had made small sharp shards. The loud banging calmed him slightly but not enough, he needed to feel. He began carving into his arm with a shard watching fresh tendrils of blood snake down his arm and drip to the floor, then he had a new idea. He was surrounded by trees, he started climbing the tallest one he could spot, a cedar tree, trailing blood as he went along. Even the tallest tree wasn't very high and all Remus saw when he got to the top was a sea of varied green. the effort of climbing tired him enough that he lay between branches and started slowly picking at the bark of the tree he was in. he got a hefty strip from the tree and stuck it in his mouth to chew on. Remus lay there chewing for a while and rubbing at the clotted blood on his arm ripping it open again. The bark tasted sappy and fragrant and Remus kept gagging as strands slithered down his throat. Remus pulled the long strips from his mouth and started lazily wrapping the spit covered strips around his fingers, as he went he started wrapping tighter and tighter. His fingers starting to purple slightly and his hand tingling, then he felt numbing, then burning. Remus looked at his purple fingers and wondered if he could bite one off like this. Since he couldn't put it back at his leisure he decided not to, loosening and tightening the strands as he fidgeted. There was no sun, only an ever present glow, so Remus had no idea how long he had been up in the tree. He had mostly accepted what was happening and just laid there, limply. He was tired of where he was, so he shimmied out further on the branch until it snapped, sending him careening to the ground. He landed hard on his hip and didn't feel like moving to get up, so he just curled in on himself.

Remy was wandering aimlessly since he had nothing to do at the moment. Remy came to a small clearly he had passed occasionally before, but this time something had changed. There was a green and black lump on the ground. Except it wasn't a lump it was Remus, curled up.  
"Whoa hey, what are you doing here, girl?" Remus continues to stare blankly, curled in on himself. he didn't think it was worth the effort to look over, assuming that he had started hearing things.  
Remy only ever saw Remus normally when he showed up to influence dreams, Remus always turned them twisted. Virgil often showed up trailing after what Remus did to Thomas's dreams since he is always pulled to whatever is causing Thomas distress.  
Remy lives in the subconscious when Thomas is awake, used to spending his time wandering around finding ideas for dreams to come.

And very much not used to seeing another side laying on the ground.

  
"Remus, babe?" Remy walked closer seeing that Remus was also shivering. As Remy reached for Remus he finally looked over and his face shifted to shock.  
"Are you here?" Remus asked pathetically.  
"Bitch please, of course I'm here, this is were I live"


	3. lets walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who wrote most of this while they coulnt sleep. def not vibin with remy. or maybe vibin to much with remy?

roman looked at the heap of Logan and Patton on the floor.

"guys, were is my brother?"

  
  


Logan and Patton looked around just as confused as roman.

"what have we done?"

  
  


  
  


remy knelt down to touch Remus's arm, as he did he spotted blood.

"Remus what happened" remy pulled Remus's arm out a little further and looked for where the damage was. Remus twitched in responce but let remy take his arm and inspect the ragged cuts and torn pieces. " Remus does this say DON'T?" remy was getting no answers and only more concerned for what happened that Remus was here at all. remy had never seen Remus as anything other then a loud flurry of chaos and wasn't sure the best way to help.

"Remus, Hun, can u sit up for me"

Remus slumped a bit but didn't move much. remy carefully reached around Remus and shifted him into a sitting position.

" Remus my creativity isn't as strong as yours so i cant just poof all this away like you can. but i can heal it like a normal wound would?" Remus nodded slowly knowing that normal human healing came with a lot of discomfort. remy started on Remus's arm, after he had finished Remus looked at his arm seeing “DON'T” scarred into his arm. Remus moved his arm around and checked for any missed spots. remy stood and extended his hand down toward Remus. “come on girl, lets walk” Remus made no effort to rise.

Remy looked to Remus, concern evident on his face. Remy reached behind his back and pulled out two Starbucks cups, one water and one yogourt soda.

“this seems your style” Remy offered the yogourt soda to Remus.

“thanx” Remus took the soda and pushed the straw around. remy sat down beside him again and sipped his water.

“so how did you get here?”

Remus squirmed eking out “i fucked a wombat”

remy just leaned back and continued to stare. “Hun” He knew talking to Remus required patience and wanted to give Remus the space he needed. Remus always made that for himself by being 'chaotic'.

they sat in silence for a few minutes until Remus relented and quietly said “ i don't know”

remy didn't know what he expected but it was not the pain he heard in Remus' voice. It wasn't the fear shining from unshed tears or the slight tremble still creeping its way across Remus' body. They remained there a little while until remy shifted closer to Remus nudging his head into Remus' lap, saying “yo, hoe i wanna show you something.”

the sudden shift in tone caught Remus off guard, as well as the sudden head in his lap. He took a second to think, Settling on “can i stab it?”

remy lowered his glasses “nah babe, but i think u might like it anyway, and maybe you can kill something, if you really feel the need.”

the mention of killing peaked Remus' interest. As he began getting up remy lifted his head back out of Remus' lap and gracefully got to his feet. Remus was still a tad shaky on his feet. Remy went to grab Remus' hand to lead him but Remus pulled his hand away. Remy shrugged slightly and sauntered off in the direction he was already headed, as if the exchange didn't even happen.

They walked in silence for a few moments, Remus was holding himself and mostly staring at the ground. He looked to remy holding out a small blanket that Remus wordlessly rapped around himself.

“where are we remy?”

remy glanced back “the subconscious”

Remus, lacking the energy to even try fucking with remy just kept following the leather clad man.

They walked for another few minutes.

“nice ass” Remus halfheartedly declared. Remy doesn't look back, just wiggling his ass slightly and walking. A few moments later remy turns with two frappes in his hands. A purple and green frappe and a unicorn frappe.

“pick”

Remus cant decide which looks gaudier, but reached for the green and purple, which upon closer inspection seems to have seeds in it.

Writers note:(an actual Halloween frappe from last year i think. Shit was tasty and the Starbucks boi gave it to me for free cause his pos needed to be restarted:))

they both finish there drinks as remy turns around with a smirk and declares “ were here” and sprints down a small incline. Remus takes the last few steps to the edge of the hill and looks down to see remy sprawled out in a field of lavender rolling around like a cat.

“its one of my favorite spots to chill”

Remus now caffeinated ,and feeling a bit more like himself again ,sheds the blanket hes been carrying and does a somersault down the hill landing just short of remy.

Remy looks to Remus with a devilish grin “ and you can rip up as many as you want. It will only make it smell better.” Remus' eyes light up at the mention of destruction, but he's got something else on his mind.

  
  



	4. whoreo

Remus jumped onto Remy, pulling a piece of lavender from the ground tickling Remy's nose with it.   
“You bitch.” Remy laughed, squirming under Remus. Remy decided that a wrestling match was in order. They struggled playfully for a while rolling around, getting completely covered in the smell of lavender. Eventually they landed with Remy on top of Remus. Remy pulled a water bottle from his pocket “Drink water.” and poured it onto Remus' face laughing. Remus sputtered and bucked upward throwing Remy off of him. “You moist bastard!”   
Remy grinned “Bitch, I'd slap you but that's animal abuse.”  
Remus feigned offense “Is it abuse if I like it?”  
Remy fired back, “If you were a cookie you'd be a whoreo.”  
“Sex is like a cookie, it's usually good, but most people like it better raw.” Remus wiggled his eye brows.  
“oof” Remy rolled away for a moment and rolled back with cookies in hand. “Shut your whoreo mouth and eat.” Remy handed Remus a ginger cookie and took a bite of his chocolate chunk.  
They lay there for a while, casually trading verbal blows. The scent of lavender over powering and all encompassing. 

“Hey Remy, wanna fuck?”  
“Nah babes”  
Remus ignored Remy's response and climbed on top of him. “Come on, it'll be fun.” Remy shook his head unfazed by Remus' actions. “Why not?” Remus reached for Remy's pants zipper. “Remus no!” Remus kept trying to get at Remy's pants as Remy tried to free himself from under Remus. Remy was getting angry “STOP!” Remus pinned Remy's hand to the ground. Remy went from unamused to pissed in a flash, he was done playing nice if Remus would not respect his wishes. Remy shoved his palm into Remus' chin as he twisted his hips to throw Remus off him, quickly standing up. “Remus, that is SO not OK” Remy stood with his arms crossed. “But we were just having fun?” Remus looked up at Remy from the ground confused. “Bitch please! You need to respect when someone says no!” Remy grew more frustrated.   
Remus stood up, the smile disappearing from his face. His mind was racing a mile a minute, 'What did I do wrong?'  
Remy began walking toward a path into the forest it took Remus a few moments to notice Remy walking away.   
“Wait Remy, I thought we were having fun?” Remus jogged to catch up to Remy. They walked in a uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Remy cooled off a bit, “We were having fun, until you took it too far.” Remus lowered his head, he'd done it again, everything he did was wrong , everything he said was disgusting. 'he was bad'. Remy half turned to speak “We need to get you back where you belong.” Remus looked at Remy angrily shouting “So you can be rid of the trash?”   
“What?” Remy turned fully. “I don't think you're trash.”  
Remus looked Remy square in the eyes, “I am trash!”  
“Girl, I don't hate you” Remy quickly realized he was talking to the embodiment of intrusive thoughts. Remy saw the hurt look that started to claw its way onto his face.  
“Remus, babe, what you did was not OK. But that doesn't mean I hate you.”   
Remus was barely holding together, all the times the others had told him he was unwanted, that his ideas were bad, he hurt people, came crashing in at once. “I'M USELESS! YOU NARCOLEPTIC PIECE OF SHIT, STOP LYING TO ME!” Remy jumped slightly at how loud Remus had screamed. “I'M JUST A FUCK UP” Remus kept yelling, his tone getting more frantic.   
Remy tried to think of the best way to respond, “Babe, you need to calm down”  
“No, I need to leave.” Remus' voice cracked and he started coughing. His throat hadn't healed from all the yelling he had done earlier. Remus kept hacking, his breaths getting shallower between, he coughed up some blood and just let it travel down his chin as he doubled over not caring how manic he looked.   
Remy was concerned, he didn't know how to help as he watched Remus' entire body convulse with each cough. Remy tried to close the distance between them but Remus just chocked out “GET*cough* cough* AWAY FROM *cough* MEEEE” between convulsions.   
Remus eventually regained control of his breathing, as Remy just stared. After Remus looked to be mostly in control, Remy tried to approach again. Slowly stepping closer.   
“Babe” Remy took off his glasses.  
Remus glared, to exhausted to speak. Remy leaned down to Remus' level and gently put his hands on Remus' cheeks, “I. Don't. Hate. You.” Remus slapped Remy's hands away from his face.   
“Liar”  
Remy slowly straightened back up to his full height.  
Remy returned his glasses to his face, “I don't need you to believe me Remus.”  
Remy slowly turned back toward the direction he was walking, standing there with no malice. Remus took his time standing back up again, he looked to Remy standing casually, as if he didn't have a care in the world. 

“I'm bad.” Remus croaked out. Remy continued to stand motionless. 

Remy turned slightly, a iced coffee in his hand.

“I only hurt people.” Remus squeaked, wincing slightly. 

“Just leave me here forever.” a tear started tracking down Remus' cheek.

Remy sipped his coffee.

“I'm abhorrent.” the tear joined the blood and spit at the corner of Remus' mouth.

Remy lowered his straw, ”No.”

Remus was at a lose for words.


	5. deeper

Remy raised an eyebrow waiting for Remus to make his choice.

Come with him or stay here alone.

Remy remained still for a few moments more then began slowly, and dramatically, walking in the direction he was going, kicking his leg out and taking a big loud sip between each movement. Remus watched him for several steps. he gave in and followed remy. They walked in relative silence for a while. Remus dragged himself along behind Remy, until he was thoroughly bored and started wondering “where are we going?”

Remy turned his head slightly unamused, “this way.”

Remus had no idea what was 'this way' but he was just happy that Remy hadn't immediately sent Remus away. Remus quickened his pace to walk beside Remy, reaching his hand to Remy's shoulder to get his attention. Remy jumped at the contact and shoved Remus' hand away. Remus took it as a bad sign but wanted to speak anyway in hopes of fixing his mistake. “Remy I'm sorry, i don't know why i only hurt people but i don't want to and i don't want you to hate me”

Remy stopped and calmly said “apology. Not. Accepted.” and kept walking. Remus had no idea how to take Remy's response and just sulked behind Remy as they walked 'this way' for a while, leaving the lavender behind and walked along a soft dirt path into more woods.

Remy seemed to know where they were going, and in no real rush. but Remus just saw more and more trees, an endless sea of greens that he was liking less and less. “remy, what is our end point?” Remus hoped if he worded it differently Remy would tell him what he wanted to know. “to get you back to the others” Remy didn't even turn around this time. Remus quirked his nose “they don't want me there.”

Remy was getting tired of the constant negativity flowing out of Remus' mouth “i don't think you should be putting words in there mouth babe, you are.... well a lot, and u clearly are not good at listening to others comfort” Remus shrank back a bit. “but you are still valuable and i don't think the other sides hate you as much as you hate you.”

Remus huffed but didn't wanna risk fighting Remy on it since he'd still be alone in that clearing if Remy hadn't taken it upon himself to help Remus. As they trekked Remus tried to stay focused on things that kept him calm, like blood and spiders and jumping in mud and yogurt soda and snakes and Greek tragedies and butts and fire. Fire. He should just burn all these trees. “Remy ya got a lighter?”

remy slowed slightly “no, why you gonna take up smoking now?”

Remus tried his best Patton puppy dog eyes,”nooooo, i just wanna burn down the forest.” Remy took a second to register what he had just heard paired with the adorable expression he was looking at. “sweetie, this forest would eat you for breakfast if you tried” Remy chuckled lightly at the thought of someone trying to 'burn down the forest', remy knew that what Remus clearly thought was trees was actually growing thoughts that were often seeded into the sub-conscious before being pulled into the conscious mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys updates might keep getting further apart :/


	6. author update!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :/

sorry im taking so long. i already have the next chapter written but i hate it, i just can't get it to feel right. i actually wrote it almost amontha go and i keep going back and tis just not getting better. sssooooooooooooooo ill ether post it as i hate it now and get it over with or itll be a while yet untill i can figure out how to fix it. or i might just kill the whole chapter and pretend it never happened. it takes place back in the contious and real world with the other sides and thomas. comments are very much welcome on if you guys really wanna see whats happening with the others, even if its chunky and wierd and awekwardly written?

decided to post it :/


	7. Awake

this chapter is so fucking bad IM SORRY

  
  


“how are you feeling kiddo?” Patton was staring worriedly at Thomas

“tired? Why are you here pat?”

Thomas got up from the couch and started ambling toward his kitchen. “wow my house is really messy” Thomas stared at the shit littered around his house. “nothing feels off?” Patton followed Thomas into his kitchen. Thomas began making hot chocolate, reached for a mug and saw that he only had one clean, the rest spread around his entire apartment. Thomas thought to himself he really needs to clean. Thomas continued making hot chocolate, but maybe Patton had a point, Thomas did feel he was missing something.

Back in the mindscape common room Logan and roman where trying to explain what had happened to Virgil “I'm sorry you WHAT” Virgil already had his hood up and was doing his best to stay calm by picking at the edge of his sleeve.

“where is he”

“we don't know Virgil”

“when i ducked out Thomas was fucked up, is he somewhere were he no longer affects Thomas, what will that do to Thomas if he is, hes half of creativity, what will this do to you roman, what if he never comes back, can Thomas ever live without Remus, what if what if what if” Virgil was hyperventilating and his voice was coming out double.

“Virgil you need to breath” Logan tried to guide Virgil threw his usual breathing exercises but it didn't seem to be helping. Virgil got one good breath in before screeching “HOW COULD YOU FUCK UP SO BAD!”

roman shrank back a bit but put on a brave face, “Virgil we will fix this.” roman was panicking internally. Roman went to conjure some water in hopes of calming Virgil slightly but nothing appeared. “ for fuck sakes, well there's one answer for you wheezy, i cant conjure.”

  
  


Thomas felt a distinct pang of anxiety as he finished his hot fluid prep. Patton still hovering around Thomas. Thomas sat and took a sip of his chocolate, then stared Patton directly in the eye, “pat what is going...” before Thomas could finish Janus rose up and roared “WHAT DID YOU DOOOOO” and dragged Patton back to the mindscape.

Now that Thomas was alone again he decided he needed to clean. Thomas abandoned his drink and began picking up his laundry, collecting dishes and tidying anything else that was out of place.

Janus appeared beside Logan with Patton in tow, “Virgil _looks calm_. all of you, explain, now!” Patton hung his head and explained what happened. Janus put his face in his hands and let out a small strangled noise before facing the others again, “ i think i know where he is, but we can't help him, and if hes there for to long he might become to lost to return.”

  
  


Thomas had cleared every square of his apartment but he still felt like he needed to do more, he set about vacuuming and then sweeping the kitchen then moping, then dusting his shelves. It still felt dirty somehow. He cleaned his couch, he took to his upstairs space organizing his bathroom, cleaning his room, going back to the bathroom and reorganizing it. Thomas still felt it wasn't clean enough but he had to do some editing for his next video so he pulled out his laptop and retrieved all the necessary files, as he looked threw the raw footage he realized it was all garbage. He needed to re-shoot everything. Thomas shot Joan a text he knew they wouldn't read until morning.

  
  


“I'm sorry Janus this is all my fault” Patton lamented.

“we don't need a figurative pity party Patton we need actionable solutions” Logan pushed his glasses up and began rifling threw his notebook.

Patton stared at his hands and mumbled,“maybe if i had just been more accepting of Remus none of this would have happened”

“FALSEHOOD” Logan was staring fiercely at Patton, Logan took a second to adjust his tie and stand up straight, “Remus chose to push the limits of what ether of us could handle, and now he has managed to bring that cacophony of chaos onto Thomas.”

“Logan you do know how much i _love_ when you scream, but, yelling at Patton right now is also not constructive.” Janus paced, trying to think of how to fix this. “ _you are all so very, very, in control of this situation” Janus_ realized he had dragged Patton away from trying to mitigate the possible damage to Thomas. “I'm going to go help Thomas, hopefully.” and Janus left with a flourish.

Patton and Virgil had both sat in the corner huddled together, Patton silently sniffling with his head down and vigil twitching slightly and trying his best to stop hyper ventilating.

  
  


Thomas had been trying to work on a script after Patton and Janus had left, but set it aside as he recognized the familiar feeling of his anxiety rising. Thomas knew something was definitely going on. Thomas began scrolling threw his twitter feed. _ **Dun dun dun**_ Thomas scrolled idly threw the never ending page retweeting a few cute cats and smiling at all the amazing art his fans created. He couldn't focus on the screen as his breathing became unsteady, Thomas set his laptop aside and tried to focus on his breathing, 4 seconds in, hold for 7 seconds, exhale 8 seconds. After several repeats he felt slightly better.

Thomas began scrolling again in hopes that a visual distraction would sooth him. More kittens and amazing art full of love, and he landed in the responses to his flower crown photo shoot. Thomas looked at all the hearts and key smashes but one comment stopped him in his tracks,

'sodomy is sin† you need to stop spreading your plague'

he was very used to skimming over the occasional hate on his dash but this time it got to him. He is catholic, and the bible does say

If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. (Leviticus 20:13)

(im sorry im not a bible follower, i literally had to google the bible verse ive been told all of Leviticus is a mess)

so who is he to reinterpret what it says, he is sinful, even if he had never done anything, he still thought these things he still surrounded himself with all these things . He knew Logan had spoken about how thoughts aren't a sin but maybe logan's wrong. Thomas was quickly spiraling, his thoughts getting more and more painful.

  
  


Janus rose in Logan's usual spot and walked toward a crying Thomas, Janus raised his hands slightly, “Thomas i know its hard but you need to focus”

Thomas looked threw watery eyes toward Janus' gloved hands.

“Thomas look at my face, _its going to be ok_. In 1, 2, 3, 4. hold, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. releassse.” Thomas tried to hold but only got to 2 before letting out a sob.

“Thomas only you can control this” Janus removed his gloves and guided Thomas threw several more failed breathing cycles before Thomas slowed to quiet but mostly control whimpers. Janus sat on the couch with Thomas. “ Remus has disappeared.” Thomas looked to Janus who held a neutral face not wanting to give away how pained he felt inside.

“how”

“Im not sure how, but we know where he is most likely. the worse part is that none of us can retrieve him, until he's back you need to know, hes more then just raw creativity. He and roman mirror each other in alot of ways. Roman is your vanity and your pride, were Remus is your conviction and your self confidence.”

Thomas thought on what Janus was saying. “also Virgil is a mess.” Janus swept his hand toward the stairs and the huddled mess of Virgil and Patton appeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so i would normally never beg for feedback but please tell em what you think of this chapter. Even if all u have to day is that its poorly paced or something. I really, really need opinions on this one


	8. rest

Remus thought they had been walking forever, passing trees and half rotted logs. Occasionally they would pass sparser areas and small clearings, like the one Remus had landed in. eventually the trees started to thin out as they walked, giving way to rockier ground, large imposing boulders haphazardly strewn about. Remus saw a small shed off to the side of the path. Remy turned slightly and answered before Remus could even ask, “ you don't wanna know” Remus decided it was best to trust Remy for now. They kept walking, eventually Remus spotted something far off in the distance that clearly had colored lights attached to the top.

“Remy what is that” Remus squinted at the mysterious blinking lights. Remy stopped “unfortunately, where we are headed”

Remy huffed and sat on the ground,

“Remus come sit with me, i need a nap”

Remus sat down next to Remy confused. Remy shifted a little further away and sprawled out on the ground with his arms behind his back. “nap time!”

Remus sat there feeling slightly awkward. He didn't want to make Remy uncomfortable by moving closer. Remus leaned toward remy, “how long does a nap last?”

remy frowned “ughh, you have zero chill”

remy pulled a red solo cup from his other side and handed it to Remus, “drink this”

Remus took the cup and saw a odd swirling purple fluid that seemed to shimmer, Remus gulped it down without hesitation, it tasted like grape soda. “what is it?”

remy took the cup back “a sleeping potion, we both need a nap.” remy threw the cup as far as he could” do you want a blanket?” Remus looked concerned remy would knock him out so nonchalantly but couldn't come up with a reason not to nap, he'd never done it before and the others seemed to enjoy it, and at this point he would do whatever remy says “can it have butts on it”

remy quirked an eyebrow, “sure babe” remy handed Remus a blanket that was grey and had little peaches on it. “you said butts” remy winked and flopped back down to the ground turning his back to Remus.

Remus couldn't help but giggle at the twisting of his request, he lay down wiggling around until he found a spot he liked and closed his eyes. He was never sure how the others could just lay still for long enough to fall asleep, he always kept going till he was about to collapse and even then he usually only slept if he had some sound going on around him. The only sound Remus could hear now was Remy's gentle snoring, clearly he had already drifted off. Remy made it look so easy, just close your eyes and boom. Remus tried to just let go, but his mind kept racing, thinking about all the other things he could be doing right now instead of laying here motionless. Even imagining all the things he could burn didn't help him, in the middle of his thoughts he heard Remy's breath hitch then return to the gentle consistent sound. Remus decided to try to focus of Remy's breathing, the soft in and out, his chest moving gently up and down, in and out, in, and out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick update, i have up to chapter 10 written out already, not sure if ill get anyfurther but ill atleast post what i have eventually


	9. Chapter 9

Remus woke up groggy and disoriented. He cracked his eyes open and saw remy had rolled toward Remus and was now laying facing Remus from about a (cats) length away. His glasses had slipped and were hanging near the end of his nose threatening to fall off, his hair sticking up at odd angles and his soft snoring had been replaced by a gravelly gargling noise. Remus stared at remy a small smile creeping along his face, remy was drooling down his cheek. without Remus noticing remy had woken up and was staring back, remy smiled lightly, “nice hair dork.” Remus made no attempt to fix his hair only firing back “ nice drool,” remy registered the moist patch on his face “oh shit.” remy sat up wiping his face on his sleeve. “how was your nap Remus?” remy smiled mischievously.

Remy and Remus got up and began walking in the direction they were headed before. “that light is the very tip of what i call repression land. That is where stuff Thomas doesn't want to think about gets shoved. Its quite possible that alot of your creations will be roaming the park.” remy was talking and looking at a wrist watch Remus hadn't noticed till now. “Thomas should be sleeping by now”, remy grew more concerned with what Remus being here meant. He had heard Virgil recount how not actively participating had caused Thomas to be reckless and far to carefree. Remy started walking a little faster, trying to block out all the different ways this could fuck things up.

  
  


“hey rem, did you know? The Nazis stole the swastika. it was originally a symbol of good luck and prosperity” Remus was walking backwards in front of remy grinning.

“Hitler created the blow up doll to help quell syphilis outbreaks.” Remus turned and marched as if he was in formation.

“they loved twins because they had there own built in control group”

remy quirked an eyebrow, “why do you know so much about Nazis?”

“they made so many scientific advancements i love learning about them” Remus knew no one ever wants to hear about Nazis but Remus has never been good at keeping his thoughts to himself.

Remy was done with this “girl, what the fuck is wrong with you”

“and i love what a good example they are of how scientific advancement and societal goals shouldn't be made at the expense of those who are most at risk. They truly believed that the temporary suffering of a few would make a utopia for there children, and there children's children. While simultaneously taking twins from there parents, who where destined for a excruciating death, then ripping them from each other and tormenting one while the other became there golden boi” Remus had stopped his mock march and was staring squarely at remy.

“did you just compare the others to Nazis?”

“yes”

“that's bitchy of you”

“good” Remus turned 90 degrees and walked off the path. Remy stared dumbfounded for a moment. They jogged after the mess in front of them.

“where are you going thot” remy yelled toward Remus hoping to draw his attention in the direction they were supposed to be heading.

“oh, don't flirt with me bitch” Remus kept walking, needing a distraction from his unintentional outburst, and seeing another hut off in the distance. He wanted to know what was in there.

Remus bee-lined toward the hut. And as remy realized what remus was going towerd he ran after Remus. “babe you cant open that” remy was quickly gaining on remus.

“like hell i cant, i wanna know whats in there” remus walked faster as he heard remy's foot falls coming closer.

“remus stop”

remy had almost caught up to remus as he reached the rusty latch on the front of the small dilapidated shed. Remus reached for the lock as remy grabbed his hand, pulling remus to face himself.

“babe you don't want to see whats in there”

remus wrenched his hand from remy and grabbed the latch, pulling the door open.

**Author's Note:**

> again telll me what tags to add and suggestions always welcome  
> next chapter coming whenever (hopefully in the next few days)


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